Sympathy

My Mom is my pillar of strength. She's my everything. I always pray to the Almighty to always give the best life to my Mom.

It's not easy to tell my Mom about me being laid off. I was afraid I would cry in front of her. I was afraid I would be a BIG disappoinment to the family. I am AFRAID.

Just now in the morning before she wanted to perform Subuh prayer, I told her about my termination. She was shocked but I admire her for being the most understanding Mom. She never reprimanded me instead she encouraged me to move on.

I am always grateful because people around me are always being kind to me. I have a loyal bestfriend, understanding mother. What can I ask more?

Kindness

Yesterday, I leave my company in a sombre mood. I was sobbing hard in the bus beside Kak Ita. She was being kind to me. Consoling me and telling that everything happened has already written. It is my fate and I have to accept it. I should not dwell in the past and move on.

Before I went home, I met Maira. I am just too relieved that Allah has given me the most kindest, caring, loving friend that I could ask for. She never leave by my side, giving me words of encouragement and even buying me a meal knowing that I've not eaten for the whole day.

I am just too grateful that I have people who care for me when I was in the most depressing state.

Being terminated

Today, at 10 in the morning, I had a meeting with my manager and one of my senior. I never knew that the meeting was a life changing experience. I have been terminated by my company. Of course they were being shady and not being honest. They told me the company is having massive loss, they decided to trim down the number of employees and out of all my team mates they have decided to terminate my contract. *LOL as if I would believe in them. Multi biliion company won't get bankrupt easily.*

My manager's advice: I have to be aggressive and confident. Must know basic IT thingy. Erm ok.. You were giving me 2 weeks notice and telling me off by saying the area that I'm lacking in. Come I clap for you.

It's okay. They could say whatever they want to say. I never want to think about it. Now my focus and goal is to get a job within this 2 weeks.

I know Allah is with me. He's my Guardian. No matter how much I betrayed HIM, he will always be there for me. Countless of time.. At this point of time, I realised how proud I am to be born Muslim.

Mama, sorry for being a disappointment. I promise you I would find a job within this 2 weeks. Nothing is impossible InsyaAllah.

Melted

Yesterday night (10 September 2014), I watched Disney's film together with my Lil Bro.
*Singtel MIO customers who subscribed the FOX film could get to watch the film free-of-charge in HD*

I love, love, love the film. I think it is one of the best Disney's film. Now I know the reason why lil girls are obsessed with Frozen Elsa. She's beautiful, protective, thoughtful role model Queen. Add up to that, she is SEXY (Maybe I'm the only one who think she's sexy) and has magic power! She's a barely perfect sister. Sorry to say, but I think she's a bit selfish over-protective and timid. I'm fine that Elsa has displayed some flaws. This makes Frozen much more interesting and it is not a “typical” Disney princess film.

Since the night Elsa’s magic nearly killed her lil sis, Anna, Elsa lived in fear for a great amount of her life. She's worried that she would harm people around her with her magic. She shut herself away from the world. She remained hidden in her room, even during her parent's funeral. *I could not comprehend this part. Your parents are dead and how could you not attend their funeral?*

Her lil sis, Princess Anna is the cutest, outgoing princess. I never like naive girls and always find them to be annoying. Anna, she is naive but her character is likable and surprisingly, I love her. She is bubbly and cheeky. Princess Anna is my favourite character in the film. My Lil Bro thinks Princess Anna is more prettier than Queen Elsa. Sorry Elsa, we love you but we love your lil Sis more.

The amount of things I could relate to with Anna was awesome! I cannot stop laughing when I watched Anna waking up scene. I felt like I'm watching myself. The only thing missing was a huge puddle of drool. Anna is a legit representation of what people look like when they wake up.  It irks me alot to see Disney's princess wake up perfectly with their hair all nicely braided *Cindrella, Sleeping Beauty, I'm watching you!*

Anna is a socially-awkward and clumsy girl just like me! I am quite thrilled and excited because Anna breaks the stereotype that princesses have to be all graceful; and that makes Anna awesome and special.

Overall, I love love love this film. The film never bores me and I love every of the soundtracks. It is catchy and still has the unique Disney's sound in it. To make it more special, I watched the film with my lil bro. I never knew Frozen was about siblings love.

I am a big fan of siblings bonding and family oriented films. Hence, Frozen is one of my favourite film and maybe my first favourite Disney's film. I am torn to choose between Frozen or The Lion King.

I admire the relationship of Queen Elsa and Princess Anna. After Anna's accident, they may not be bonded together but they care and never stop loving one another. Their relationship is strong and their love is genuine. My brother almost cried when Elsa was sobbing hard while holding Anna's frozen body. It was his 2nd time watching the film and yet he told me he almost had tears in his eyes. He's too emotional just like me.

This film is a lesson learnt to me that blood run thicker than water. No matter how much you wanted to cut tie with your family, you will eventually bond to them. Running away from problems is NOT a good solution. Don't be afraid just because you are born different. Remember, Elsa is stronger when she embraces her differences.

Always be confident. I noticed that "self- blame" is one of the most painful emotional abuse one can ever inflict on themselves. Just look at Elsa. After the bad incident, she shut herself away from the world, not attending her parents funeral and had pushed her sister out of her life because she had hurt Anna and always had this belief that she was to blame. She lived in that constant pain and was afraid of history repeating itself. Therefore, never dwell in the past, learn from your mistake, don't be afraid, be confident and move forward! Instead putting the blame on yourself, take full responsibility in it.

15 Facts about Me

15 facts about me:

I am the eldest amongst three siblings.

I have a spoilt lil brother Shahrouk Bayani (HE IS THE ONLY SON) and a mature-looking lil sis Nuranisah (before I don the Hijab, people thought she’s the eldest)

I have a set of parents who are carefree and thankfully not “kiasu”. They don’t really pressurise me and my siblings like the other Asian parents. As long we don’t get ourselves in trouble, they’re happy.

I am a socially awkward person but I can get along with few people.


My first encounter with unnatural: I was 4 or 5 years old when this incident took. My clown doll was WAKING ME UP AND SMILING AT ME in the middle of the night. That clown doll is not battery operated hence I don’t know why it could move by itself. So this was the first time I encountered supernatural and paranormal things. P.s. The pic above is the clown doll!

My favourite author is Sophie Kinsella. I enjoy reading most of her books especially “Can You Keep a Secret?” I want to collect ALL her books *birthday’s gift hint*

I love watching family oriented, siblings bonding, romantic films like The Proposal, Hum Saath Saath Hain, Frozen, Kabhie, Khushi Kabhi Gham, The Blind Side.

I decided to put on Hijab because I wanted to show my gratitude to The Almighty. God has given me almost everything that I need.


My late GrandDad (Paternal side) gave me a nick name “Tigress”. I scratched his chest till it leaved a permanent mark on his chest. When I was a baby girl, I had tantrums. One of my distant relative told me that I always pull people’s hair, slap peoples’ face whenever I was mad or upset. 0___O

I have a permanent bump on my forehead near the temple on the left. I got it when I was 6 years old; I fell from a long-legged stool at my cousins’ house.

I have Myopia ever since Kindergarten. Yes, I have to wear a pair of glasses at the age of FIVE!

I have difficulties in learning. My Mom consulted me to a doctor and he told my Mom that I was a dyslexic. Mom and teachers provide me with various forms of assistance and supervision. I owe my Mom big!

Honestly, I am afraid of being a spinster. I want to get married and have 2 children.

I’m afraid of losing someone closed especially my FAMILY and CATS.

I wanna be a strong girl, spiritually, physically and mentally.

Dull life

Can't you believe it how dull my weekdays life is? Goodness, I am a dull girl.

Just look at my timeline. Gosh, I need to do soul searching soon!

6am: wake up
6.30am: pray
7am: breakfast
7.10am: Bye bye
7.55am: board company bus
8:15am: in the office
9:15am: check flight status
10am: send invoices
11am: send flight update
11.15am: check portdate for EMR
11:30am: update EMR
11:40am: check emails
12pm: break
1.15pm: pray
3pm: run macro
4pm: update file
4:05pm: send EMR
4.10pm: update flight status
5pm: pray
5:15pm: check emails
5:30pm: byebye
6.45pm: home sweet home
7:20pm: pray
7:30pm: dinner
8:00pm: kpop, kdrama, facebook, cats
9:00pm: pray
9:30pm: sleep

Single. Boring or not?

As a lady, people around me love to know more about my personal life. Either they love me *bats eyelashes* or they are just too busybody curious.

During Eid’s visiting, my aunties were asking me “when will I get married?” and the most daring one “Takda da Mat ke yang nak kat kau?” (“There’s no man attracted to you?”)

Honestly, I did not know what to say. I have no boyfriends. The last time I went to date was 4 years ago.

After graduation and secured a job, I have no single man to be friend with.

Many people said single life is boring. I do admit it. I envy my friends who are either attached or engaged to decent men. I wanted to experience the dating courting phase.

I admit I’m a bit choosy. But everyone wants the best partners right?

I’m searching for a responsible, nice man that can lead and guide me to the right path. Till now I’m waiting for my Prince. I put everything in God’s hands.

s4 at Fort Canning Singapore

Kisah Hati

Hatiku hatimu

Menjadi satu cinta

Ku rasa hadirmu menyempurnakan aku

Tapi cinta bukan milik kita

Semua harus berakhir

Cinta kau dan aku

Takkan mungkin bersatu

Untuk saat ini di dunia ini

Mungkin kita bersama

Nanti di atas sana

Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu

Selamanya

Tapi cinta bukan milik kita

Semua harus berakhir

Cinta kau dan aku

Takkan mungkin bersatu

Untuk saat ini di dunia ini

Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu

Selamanya

 - Alyah, Manusia Putih

Shahrouk Bayani

Shahrouk Bayani, my brother's name..
He is 3 years younger than me.
Before he was born, my parents recited Surah Yusof so that when he grew up he would be as handsome as Prophet Yusof A.S.
My Dad named him Shahrouk Bayani because Dad said he wanted my brother to be Hero or King that makes a difference.

He was born 18 July 1994 and had jaundice. (Poor Mom had to breastfeed him every hour)

Mom said I was being mean to him when he was a baby.

He is annoying, timid boy.
He is an only son.
His life is about gaming.
He hates taking picture with his family because he thinks it's embarrassing.
He dislikes being in a committed relationship.
He never replied any of his girlfriends' texts.
He asked me to reply all her girlfriends smses.
To him, going out with a girl is a waste of time.
He is a sexist.
To him girls should handle domestic task.
He's thrifty yet stingy. (Not really, I used more than $100 of his money to shop)
He's a fussy eater(he doesn't eat internal organs like liver, heart, tongue, he dislikes siput, kerang, tempeh etc)
He told me once, he would never want to date any Chinese girls because he dislikes Chinese foods.
He dislikes keeping himself clean. There's one time he never shower for a week!
He's a fan of Newcastle United after seeing picture of lil him wearing NUFC jersey.

LOL, still my brother is an awesome boy.
He's a non-smoker
He doesn't drink.
He dislikes partying.
He is so gentle to our pets.
He respects girls. He never kiss, hug, touch girls (including his Exs)
He is good in Chemistry! He was 1st Normal Academic stream in his school and 1st in the whole ITE cohort of his course in CHEMISTRY!

He gave me money to buy After School, Orange Caramel albums.
He accompanied me to KPOP Heal The World because I want to see my favourite KPOP group After School.

He wore whatever his ex girlfriends gave him. For example: That shirt he's wearing is a gift from his favourite ex. LOL

Amenakin in Singapore

Amenakin was in Singapore. I went to her event held at the National Library on 11th January 2013. I was shocked because there's massive crowds in the Library's Drama Center at level 3.

There were like more than 400 ladies! The queue to the event was so long. The organiser didn't expect many would turn up to the event.

Sis Amenakin was so overwhelmed with the number of people attending to the event.

 This is what I wear for the Meet and Greet session with Amenakin.

Dark Brown Hoodie (gift from cousin)

Cotton On's Black Basic Shirt

Forever 21 Blue Denim Jeans

Vans Sk8- hi Shoes

Cowhide Leather Handbag (gift from Mom)

Mom's Shawl *I don't owe any shawls. I don't don headscarf*

Make up: 

Wardah Two Way Cake (bought it at Indonesia)

Bobbi Brown Blush (gift from cousin)

L'Oreal Lipstick (girft from cousin)

Eyeliiner and Eye pencil (Pasar Malam)

*I am just not meant to be good at make up*

Kak Shameem (my cousin), her daughter Zara, Amenakin and me. I was having a bad shawl day. 

After sending my cousin, I went to the toilet to fix my shawl and touch up my make up.
I saw the short queue hence I queued up to get in line so that I could take individual picture with Sis Amenakin.

I was the 2nd last lady to take picture with her. I was so excited to meet her in person. She is genuinely nice. She was hugging me many times and I was blushing madly because she' being too kind to me..

She and her husband looked so exhausted yet they were being kind by smiling, interacting with people around them. MasyaAllah. They are nice people.


I was so relieved that she was patiently communicating, interacting with her fans eventhough the low EQ event organiser was being so rude, impatient. 
If only the Amenakin meet and greet could have been better organised, bigger venue, more orderliness. Amena was so patient thru it all.

Source of the picture: Peachyopixx Facebook
I hope Sis Amenakin enjoyed her trip here in Singapore.

When I was waiting at the traffic lights near the library, Amenakin's husband who was inside a taxi saw me and he waved his hand. Then he nudged Sis Amena who was sitting beside him. She waved at me from a taxi and I gave her a flying heart.
The pedestrians around me give weird stares. Massive LOL.

I want you to be back

This terrible aftermath…

After you left, my love page has stopped
Your empty spot in my heart makes my tears well up
What should I do? How could you not know like this?
All night I talk to myself again, I wish I could turn back time uh

I busily lose myself in work, meet up with friends so I have no time to think of you
I thought I was doing well without a chance to feel your empty spot
But what has happened? I think the words, “time heals all” is a lie
Why does it feel like only I am hurting all the time?

Aren’t you the same as me? Are you, by any chance, like me?
Why am I acting like a fool like this? I told myself to forget but I’m like this again

I wish I could turn back time, I wish I could turn back time.
If only I could turn back time, I wouldn’t lose you
On that rainy night, if I had held onto you
You would still be by my side – please come back, it’s too hard

I just endlessly cry, I just endlessly get sad
Every day after you left, I hate this pain of being left alone
I just keep endlessly crying, I keep endlessly getting sad
Every day after I loved you, I can’t sleep because of this terrible aftermath

Ze:A After Math